Archive for August, 2009
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28
Aug
2009
Flowing Along
I’ve been doing a lot of writing this week - end of year reports and a journal article. A colleague called while I was in the middle of trying to pull together some ideas for the journal article and I couldn’t answer the phone. I later told him I was in a “writing trance”. When our attention is focused so fully on a task I think we experience freedom. I experience this ”trance” state at other times - in a yoga class or when I’m running or rollerblading for example. It’s an opportunity be singularly focused and let the extraneous worries and deadlines fall away.
As I was watching the news the other night, the reporter covered a story about recent research on multi-tasking. For those of us who tend to be proud of our ability to handle many tasks at once, we may want to think twice. The study has found that multi-tasking actually reduces our memory capacity! Those of us who rely on Blackberries, cell phones, lap tops, and other gadgets should beware. Moving from one gadget to the next while trying to complete a task over taxes our brains!
I like what Mihail Csikszentmihaly calls “flow”. He says that when we are engaged in a task that takes us beyond thinking about ourselves and that requires us to use abilities we enjoy, we can experience Flow. What I like about Flow is that it not only allows us to enjoy what we’re doing but it provides better output for others as well. So, at work, when we are able to engage in Flow, our productivity increases at the same time that our satisfaction with what we’re doing increases. A good win-win. You can read more about this if you like at this link: http://anneoffner.com/newsletter/FlowandWork(February2007).pdf
More writing for me next week but I will stop back in for another blog.
Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009. All rights reserved.
20
Aug
2009
Health
Recently I had a bad cold that lasted over two weeks. No one likes to be sick in the summertime. I am usually an outdoors type of person and so having to lie around in bed waiting for the illness to pass was no fun for me.
When I’m sick I tend to think the worst - oh no I have Swine Flu or maybe I’ll have to go into the hospital for the first time ever because I have this really bad cough. Funny isn’t it? I am not a pessimist about other things in my life; only on the occasion of illness.
Perhaps it’s my haven to embrace empathy for myself. Perhaps it is my response to the stress of being ill (and not being able to accomplish work that needs to be completed). Whatever the cause I think it’s good therapy.
Sometimes we just need to allow ourselves a break to release energy. When I’m sick that’s what I do. I lie around and watch old movies, sleep, take short slow walks with my 15 year old dog, or read a chapter in a novel and then take a nap. Fortunately I do not get sick often and if it lasted longer than two weeks I’d begin a new cycle of stress but that is a topic for another blog – as I know many people have endured prolonged illness.
The lesson for me is to remember to listen to outside input. If your doctor says “you need to rest” then find time to do that. If your employers say “go home, we can live without you for a few days,” believe them. Require other people in your life to allow you to rest. Your health is a precious asset. Even if illness comes at a time that seems impossible to slow down; I invite you to question the logic of what you’ve deemed to be “impossible”. If you do not slow down for the illness; the illness may slow you down for a longer period than you’d like.
We live in a high-powered, fast-paced society but even the force of all the events and demands in our lives cannot keep us from getting ill from time to time. Believe me; you’ll make a better contribution to others when the illness has passed.
© Offner and Associates, LLC 2009. All rights reserved.
5
Aug
2009
I Am What I Am?
Most of us develop a sense of identity when we are young and then as we grow older this identity matures. By our mid-20s we show signs of consistency in our behavior, the way we dress, our goals, values, etc. We become known for this consistency and our actions reflect our self-identity. For example, our co-workers may describe us based on what they have learned about us: “She’s the one who gets things done.” or “He’s the one I can count on to come through in a pinch.” or “I think he talks more than he works.” or “She’s the organized one.” or “He is not the one customers want to talk to when things go wrong.”
If we generally like our identity it gives us a sense of peace. It’s also a baseline upon which to build when we are confronted with new challenges. It gives us confidence to forge ahead or the wisdom to ask for support.
For most of us our identity is dear to us. We sometimes have to defend it: “I am what I am.” At other times we have to explain it: “If you ask me for my opinion I’m going to give to you.” Still other times we need to examine it: “Was I a little too harsh in that meeting?”
As you’ve moved through life, you may have met someone whose identity seems more of a nemesis than a cherished aspect of themselves. For example, I recently read that Peter Sellers, the hilarious star of the Pink Panther movies, believed he had no identify of his own. He joked that there was no “real me” because he had had it “surgically removed” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Sellers). Apparently he took on whatever character he was playing at the time and brought that into his personal life, which had a great deal of strife and turmoil.
Similarly, Michael Jackson seemed to be at odds with his own identity. When I (as a big fan) think of Michael Jackson’s identity, I think of a child star, extraordinary performer, generous benefactor of many charities, super-big spender, and devoted father. His appearance changed of course but personally that never kept me from having my sense of who he was. Yet, the unfolding of his story since his passing shows a man who disliked his own appearance and saw himself as a child. Michael seemed to strive harder and seek with greater intensity to develop an identity than most of us do in our own lifetime. He seemed to be telling the world “hey this is me” but the world didn’t really believe him or embrace the identity he wanted us to know. How many of us want to see a man change his appearance so drastically, purport to be a boy, and socialize with children? Unfortunately his identity didn’t meet the world’s expectations.
Of course, if we all had to explain our actions to the media I wonder where we’d be. Reporters might stalk into our lives and ask “Why didn’t you get that promotion?” or “Are you really dating that guy?” or “If you were a tree, what type would you be!” As Seth and Amy say on Saturday Night Live - “I mean really” is that kind of information all that important?
I guess my bottom line thinking on this is that we need to hold our own selves as dear and understand that some aspects of “who I am” may or may not be accepted by others. If we want to play in certain spaces we may need to tone down or spruce up certain parts of our identity from time to time but stay close to your own identity. To quote from the Desiderata: “With all its sham and drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”[i]
Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009. All rights reserved.
1
Aug
2009
Personality 101
You can google just about anything on the internet. I googled “personality” today and found this definition on the Dictionary.com web page: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/personality .[i]
Our personality shows up in everything we say and do. I think of “personality” as the sum total of the traits, characteristics, behaviors, and tendencies that define “who I am.” We know we like some people’s personalities better than others and we know that sometimes our personalities can rub people the wrong way (really, it’s true).
When I was in graduate school I learned that most personality theorists say that our personalities are fairly well developed by the time we are 30 (some say much earlier). More recent research, however, suggests that our personalities can change as we age http://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug03/personality.html
I happen to believe we can change our personalities, if we so choose. For example, as a shy college graduate I had targeted public relations as a potential career for myself. Sounds crazy, a shy person who wants to help promote good causes? Not really. It was just a goal to me. And so my first professional job out of college required me to stand up in front of small groups of people to train and promote a not-for-profit program. I was terrible at first but later learned some skills from my friends and mentors at the agency. Today I provide training as a regular part of my consulting practice and teach college courses - and the evaluations from my audiences are on high end of the scale. The funny thing about taking on this endeavor was that I went from seeing myself as “shy” to seeing myself as a “teacher” who had knowledge to pass along to others. My personality morphed somewhere around 21-25 years of age. I won’t tell you my age now but I will tell you that I continue to tweak the edges of my personality. That’s part of the fun of life for me - to see what I can take on and how I can jump into the world to gain new experiences.
Now, I’ve certainly met people who like to say “I am what I am” (like Popeye’s famous statement) and that’s ok. We live in a free country and if you like how you are then stick with it. Whether we want to change our personalities or not we will find that the world changes around us and so how we interact with people and how they perceive us is going to be affected.
That’s when I often step into the picture. When people get promoted, lose their jobs, change jobs, or experience other significant changes in their life, they can benefit from gaining a better understanding of their own personality. I will refrain from selling here on my blog but if you are interested take a look at my website – I have some examples of how I coach people and the kinds of assessments I use in that process: http://www.anneoffner.com/services.htm
By the way, I think personality is a concept that is a helpful guide for understanding ourselves or someone else a little bit better, but personality does not explain everything. We are much more than our personality. For example, the way we show up in the world is also guided by our ethnic background, family upbringing, the types of experiences and education we’ve had, how we like to think (analytically, logically, creatively, intuitively, etc.), what we value, our religious affiliations, and much more.
Being human can be a challenging experience at times. Having a difficult boss or co-worker, getting promoted into a job, searching for a new job, managing the demands of work and family, discovering the type of work that makes it interesting to wake up each day – these are all challenges that relate to personality – our own and how we work with other personalities.
[i] By the way, I understand that “google” is now an official verb in the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. http://arstechnica.com/old/content/2006/07/7198.ars
Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009. All rights reserved.