AnneOffner.com

Career Messages

I’m teaching a career course this term. My students are examining their career choices as well as the reasons behind their choices.  In order to appreciate how we got to where we are today it’s often useful to reflect upon what influenced us as children and what continues to influence us.

Of course our parents and family help shape our view of “career”. The role models, values, and messages they sent us laid the groundwork for how we see the world. My mother, always the top 1 or 2 students in her class, was told she shouldn’t go to college because she needed to make money for the family. Instead she enrolled in a two-year secretarial program. My father was raised by a traveling salesman - this must have influenced his choice to stay with the same job for 45 years and turn down promotions that would have required him to move his family across the country.

Thankfully I received a clear message that education was important. My father later confessed that he sent me to college so I would find a nice husband but my mother was pleased that I loved my studies enough to pursue graduate education. On the other end of the spectrum, I had a friend when I was younger who told me he did not want to attend college because he didn’t want to be a “college boy”. No one in his family had been to college. Eventually, after marrying a college graduate he decided it might be a good idea and he later became a successful consultant.

This leads me to point out that messages we receive beyond the family also help shape us. Take just 2 minutes and consider the messages you have received along the way. For example, the type and quality of the educational system available to you likely shaped your attitude and view of what was possible. Stereotypes were also influential (what girls can do, what boys can do, what white folks can do, what Asians can do, what black folks can do, etc.). The condition of your neighborhood, prevalence of crime, or interaction with your neighbors also showed you a view of the world and what might be possible (or impossible) for you. Whether you came of age during a recession, war, cultural upheaval, or national crisis may have also helped shape your view of the world.

So many things help us form our view of what we can expect for ourselves. How we respond to our experiences helps us become who we are and what we are becoming. I believe that careers are an on-going process. Whether we have one career for 30 years or a series of jobs in that same time period we learn about ourselves and uncover which messages we received have served us well and which have blocked us from progress.

During my career I’ve re-shaped my view of the world many times over. My first job out of college was in the Men’s Department at Dillard’s Department Stores. I was asked to sort socks on my first day. I cried. A year later I was working as a social worker down in St. Petersburg, FL – making public presentations for the first time in my life and discovering that I had the fortitude to learn to do casework that was challenging and often quite intimidating. Eventually I entered graduate school and again opened my eyes to a new way of thinking and understanding the world around me.

With deep knowledge and well-honed skills I’ve learned that I can make a difference. Today I am fortunate to have opportunities to work with people who want to make improvements in their work lives. The situations I get involved in are often fairly intense – as a coach, teacher, and consultant. Last month I had three clients tell me that I had made a difference in their work lives. I appreciate the feedback. It helps me continue to shape the trajectory of my career, and gives me some satisfaction that I’ve begun to integrate the messages that have served me and to shed the messages that have blocked me along the way.

Visit me online now for a professional chat about your career:http://www.liveperson.com/dr-anne 

Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009.  All rights reserved.

Share Yourself Through Your Career

For some of us, our careers are very personal. So personal we can’t shake them off or leave them at the doorstep when we leave for the day. People know us for our career interests, skills and abilities. Careers help us to explore who we are as people. In today’s complex world careers offer many opportunities for us to express ourselves and test our skills.

I’m not talking about the workaholic who can’t leave her work and relax. That’s a different topic.

I am talking about the person who finds something fascinating about what she does and then shares it with others, improves things, delights people, saves lives, or somehow makes our world a better place.

This past weekend I attended a series of very festive wedding events for an impressive young couple. Through the many (yes, many, many speeches) offered to the couple by their friends and family I got to know them a bit better. One thing I learned about the bride is that her friends admire her homemaking abilities. Her now husband appreciates her relentless advice on what to wear in public. Her friends say that the bride enjoys “a good tri-fold on her towels” and always makes guests feel welcome.

This gave me something to consider once the festivities ended.

Aside from enjoying cooking and having friends and family over to my house, I have very little homemaking interest or ability. In fact, watching my mother take care of 8 children on a limited budget I admit that homemaking was not on my top ten list of career options as I embarked into the world after college. Also, there is the ability issue. For instance, I often need help tying a bow properly on a gift and I honestly do not care how my towels are folded or whether a garnish is put atop a lovely piece of fish that I’m about to serve. I could easily walk out of the house without a pair of earrings or forget to check that my clothes actually match. Such considerations do not come naturally to me.

Apparently this young bride lives for these things. She enjoys the Martha Stewart approach to life. I would dare say she is driven towards making the world a better place in this way.

Wow, I thought to myself at the end of the weekend, this is not just an interest for this young woman. Neither is it frivolous (sorry, my stereotypes are showing). Rather, I believe it is part of her identity. She works for a catering service and has a delightful, effervescent personality and so that makes sense. I’ve been to her home and it’s lovely, warm, and inviting and that also makes sense. She is living her career at home and at work (not to mention all the little extras at her wedding!).

I’ll be interested to see how this young woman applies her skills in the world. Her friends and family clearly appreciate it now. If I were a betting woman I’d say the odds are very good that she’ll find a way to make a meaningful splash whether as a homemaker or as someone who brings homemaking skills to the world. Julia Child did it. Martha Stewart did too. For me, this young woman has legitimized homemaking as a career with the potential to impact lives and delight people. I love it when my stereotypes are broken! Thanks to the bride, her new husband, and her loyal friends for offering me this enlightenment.

Visit me online now for a professional chat about your career:http://www.liveperson.com/dr-anne 

Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009.  All rights reserved.

Career Advice: Do What Makes Sense to You

I’ve been grappling with the idea of “doing what you love”. Some say yes, go for it, the most important thing is to do what you love and do it well. In his 2005 commencement address to Stanford Graduates Steve Jobs said perseverance is important to finding what you love to do: “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”  http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html 

After reading this I decided to do a little research and guess what, people are out there doing what they love. CNN showcases a few of these folks, including a woman who transitioned from a 12-year career as an electrical engineer to a career as a beauty salon owner: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/02/24/economy.career/index.html

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch recently featured Susan Slaughter, principal trumpet for the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra who will be retiring after 40 years; 36 years as principal trumpet. Not only is her longevity with the symphony unusual, so is her gender. Ms. Slaughter is the first (and only) female to be named principal trumpet of a major orchestra. I was struck by the article because it is clear from her comments that her career has fully engaged her natural talents, has brought her great joy, and the ability to influence others in her field. http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/entertainment/stories.nsf/music/story/D8CEE5F549F3B99886257635006F7EAF?OpenDocument

The Wall Street Journal regularly reports on people who “go for it” in terms of finding what they love to do. Recent articles have described a variety of people. One guy left a lucrative job as a fixed-income trader the year after 9/11 to become a waiter, then a sommelier, and most recently the manager of Del Frisco’s restaurant in Manhattan. He said he wanted to love coming to work and had previously enjoyed the restaurant business and so he made the leap into a new career. In another article an immigrant to the US was featured. He started out cleaning wine cellars and later became a wine taster and now owns his own vineyard, Mi Sueño Winery in Napa Valley. His wine was served at the White House when the Mexican president visited! Another woman they feature started out as an entertainment attorney, then worked as a financial advisor for Merrill Lynch, quit that to stay home with her kids, and now owns her own floral and event design business, Florisan LLC. http://online.wsj.com/public/page/reinvent.html

I don’t think you have to love your job. For some people, getting a paycheck that helps them support themselves or their family is most important. One well-recommended career coach out in the San Francisco Bay Area says it just might not be such a good idea to aim for what you love. Instead he suggests taking a practical and realistic view of your own preferences and business realities: http://www.martynemko.com/articles/do-what-you-love-and-starve_id1380 . I liked his website for not only his sage advice but also he is a dog lover and so I felt compelled to include him in this blog today.

But I do think it is important to be passionate about something in your life. If a career is not where you find passion perhaps it is in an avocation such as gardening, cooking, running marathons, traveling, fixing up houses, sewing or knitting, volunteering at your kid’s school, golfing, participating in dog shows, riding horses, or any number of activities that engage your talents, abilities, and interests. A recent local news show featured a story about a group of 400 knitters who brought their knitting to a St. Louis Cardinals game. Apparently they attend every year as part of their club activities. They love knitting and I’m sure the people in their lives appreciate the output of their passion! I actually met a corporate guy-turned-gardener a few years ago when I asked for a bid on a project at my house. He started out in Corporate Communications and later turned his love for gardening into a part-time business. His other part-time business is producing videos for corporations. I don’t think you have to turn your avocation into a career, but it sure may be an option if you are in need of extra income, or want to do something different in your retirement.

If you are driven to want a career that you’re passionate about it’s best to be patient, take on an optimistic perspective, persevere, and at times, work very hard. As Susan Slaughter says in the article I referenced, her job has been very demanding - physically and otherwise. Still she kept herself to a high standard and produces beautiful music. Steve Jobs urged the Stanford grads to seek until they find what they love to do as a prerequisite to doing great work. Rolando Herrera, the owner of Mi Sueño Winery got his start because the manager of the winery for which he cleaned wine cellars noticed he had an incredible work ethic and offered him a chance to learn the wine business. Striving for excellence perhaps is the theme I see here.

In the demanding times of our lives, striving for excellence may seem daunting. I think the message in what I’ve researched this past week is that we gain a sense of our own capabilities, a sense of pride in our accomplishments when do great work. And if we don’t have much free time, we can do great work in small ways. Whether it’s producing a gorgeous scarf for a daughter to wear this winter, creating a garden for family and friends to enjoy, cooking a delicious meal, helping your child with his science project, creating the next Mac, or producing a perfect sound in the symphony; the act of creating something is satisfying. It allows us to share our inner strengths with others. And when we do this, we make the world a better place in which to live and share our passions.

Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009.  All rights reserved.

I Am What I Am?

Most of us develop a sense of identity when we are young and then as we grow older this identity matures. By our mid-20s we show signs of consistency in our behavior, the way we dress, our goals, values, etc.  We become known for this consistency and our actions reflect our self-identity.  For example, our co-workers may describe us based on what they have learned about us: “She’s the one who gets things done.” or “He’s the one I can count on to come through in a pinch.” or “I think he talks more than he works.” or “She’s the organized one.” or “He is not the one customers want to talk to when things go wrong.”

If we generally like our identity it gives us a sense of peace. It’s also a baseline upon which to build when we are confronted with new challenges. It gives us confidence to forge ahead or the wisdom to ask for support.

For most of us our identity is dear to us. We sometimes have to defend it: “I am what I am.” At other times we have to explain it: “If you ask me for my opinion I’m going to give to you.” Still other times we need to examine it: “Was I a little too harsh in that meeting?”

As you’ve moved through life, you may have met someone whose identity seems more of a nemesis than a cherished aspect of themselves. For example, I recently read that Peter Sellers, the hilarious star of the Pink Panther movies, believed he had no identify of his own. He joked that there was no “real me” because he had had it “surgically removed” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Sellers). Apparently he took on whatever character he was playing at the time and brought that into his personal life, which had a great deal of strife and turmoil.

Similarly, Michael Jackson seemed to be at odds with his own identity. When I (as a big fan) think of Michael Jackson’s identity, I think of a child star, extraordinary performer, generous benefactor of many charities, super-big spender, and devoted father. His appearance changed of course but personally that never kept me from having my sense of who he was. Yet, the unfolding of his story since his passing shows a man who disliked his own appearance and saw himself as a child. Michael seemed to strive harder and seek with greater intensity to develop an identity than most of us do in our own lifetime. He seemed to be telling the world “hey this is me” but the world didn’t really believe him or embrace the identity he wanted us to know. How many of us want to see a man change his appearance so drastically, purport to be a boy, and socialize with children? Unfortunately his identity didn’t meet the world’s expectations.

Of course, if we all had to explain our actions to the media I wonder where we’d be. Reporters might stalk into our lives and ask “Why didn’t you get that promotion?” or “Are you really dating that guy?” or “If you were a tree, what type would you be!” As Seth and Amy say on Saturday Night Live - “I mean really” is that kind of information all that important?

I guess my bottom line thinking on this is that we need to hold our own selves as dear and understand that some aspects of “who I am” may or may not be accepted by others. If we want to play in certain spaces we may need to tone down or spruce up certain parts of our identity from time to time but stay close to your own identity. To quote from the Desiderata: “With all its sham and drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”[i]

Who Knows Best?

As a psychologist I sometimes work with people to help them understand their own personality and way of being in the world. About 50% of personality is “hard-wired”, we’re born with it as part of our genetic make-up. The other 50% we learn and shape along the way.

One personality trait I’ve found interesting has been what you might call the “I know best” trait. People with this trait believe they know what is best for themselves as well as other people. It actually drives these folks to seek out the best for those around them - or at least what they think is best for them. At times this can be an asset - at other times, well I’m sure you might guess how this could get in the way.

The first time I think I really encountered someone with this personality trait was in college. I had a friend, Heidi, who was taking a lot of the same courses that I was taking. We were pretty different. She was what I called “preppy” at the time - she often dressed in Khaki pants and wore button down shirts for example. She was often exuberant and laughed a lot. I liked that about her.

I, on the other hand, had enmeshed myself in my liberal arts studies, was full of angst and uncertain of what the world had in store for me. I often dressed in vintage clothes and this made no sense to Heidi. With her warm heart and gentle way she suggested that I might want to try buying some never-before-worn-by-another-person clothing. Being the adventurous person that I am I agreed to accompany Heidi to the local retail shop on campus where I purchased Khaki pants, a button-down shirt, and a lime green sweater. I admit I was excited to have new clothes.

Days later I wore the outfit to class, and perhaps out with some friends one night. I remember feeling itchy and unfeminine and uncomfortable. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and saw a traitor! The clothes I was wearing were not mine - they were Heidi’s. I’d turned into Heidi’s clone. I never told her this but I put away that outfit and rarely wore it again. Heidi went on to complete a degree in social work and then married her college sweetheart, Ron, and had five children with him. I’m glad to have this story in my heart and memory because a few years ago, Heidi died of cancer at too young an age.

I knew she meant what was best for me. Had I continued to dress like her I think she probably hoped I’d find a nice preppy man and find the kind of life she was about to begin with Ron. God bless Heidi. I love her for trying.

After college, I actually did learn to buy never-before-worn clothing and I sometimes think of Heidi’s vision for me. But, instead, over the years I found what was best for me on my own.

And so when I meet with people who have the “I know best” personality trait, I often smile because I know they only strive to have the best for themselves and everyone around them. And then I steer them to focus on what they need to know best - themselves, their own way of interacting with other people, and how to be successful using their own unique personality traits. And I suggest that sometimes we need to let people figure things out for themselves, appreciate how they see the world, allow them to find their own “best” way of living…and choose their own clothing.

Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009.  All rights reserved.

Careers That Meet Our Needs

Careers are dynamic.

Frank McCourt, the author of Angela’s Ashes, ‘Tis, and, Teacher Man passed away this week at the age of 78. He spent the majority of his career teaching in the NYC public school system. His first book was published when he was 66.

Mr. McCourt was born in New York City in 1930 as the oldest of seven children. He was raised in Ireland in an impoverished family. His upbringing was complicated by his father’s alcoholism, the death of 3 siblings, and despair of the type he said could only belong to those raised in abject Irish Catholic poverty. Most of us would have a hard time surviving his youth let alone finding a way to put it on paper for others to read.

He wrote in one of his books that he just couldn’t find the time to write while he was teaching but in an interview he said he found the voice to write his compelling memoir about his childhood, Angela’s Ashes, when he was visiting with his grand daughter. He discovered that writing from the point of view of a child allowed him to defuse the emotions he felt about his experiences.

Along the way, Frank McCourt taught 10,000 NYC youth. If you read the notes some of his students have written in the media following his death you’ll know his wit, abilities with words, and love of literature touched their lives in important ways. And then, when he found a way to tap into his own inner voice he touched the lives of millions more by sharing his personal stories with the world.

Whether you are just starting out in your career, mid-career, or seemingly at the end of the road, consider your own inner voice and what has brought you to this place in time. What do you want to contribute? Beyond our family influence we have to look at our inner desires and vision. Write down your vision, consider what drives or interests you. Keep this in mind as you travel down the road and see what opportunities meet you at the bend in the road you had not anticipated.

Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009.  All rights reserved.

Careers and Systems

We choose our careers through the lens of our systems.

When we are young our parents, other significant relatives or friends, teachers, and coaches influence our career decisions. They help us identify our talents. They are our role models for what “working” looks like. Sometimes they push us hard in one direction or another. Other times they set us free to discover the world. And, in some cases we end up fending for ourselves. Regardless of the type of influence our system has, the habits and beliefs we develop are often remarkably similar to those in our system.

It’s like the genes we inherit. We can’t deny that we look like cousin so and so or that we inherited abilities in math or writing or art. It is the same with our career choices. For some folks, this is terrific news. They were nurtured along in finding their careers or simply felt comfortable doing the type of work their system thought was advisable, useful, practical…They were well-aligned with their system.

For others, well, they didn’t match as well with their systems. They probably had a series of serious conversations with their systems. These folks had to rebel against the “safe” idea of being an accountant, electrician, or doctor in order to find satisfaction as an actor, chef, or other career deemed to be “less safe.”

Here’s the thing, whether or not you match the expectations of your system its influence still runs through the veins of your career. Sometimes this is helpful - if your system said “be a lawyer” and you chose to be a lawyer then you have people in your system who can mentor you, become colleagues, or socialize with you. Your system reinforces your career choice.

On the other hand if you chose a “less safe” career instead, the system from which you escaped, fought with, or rebelled against still courses through the arteries of your chosen career. For example, if you chose to be a writer you might find writing about legal issues interesting or your system might have offered gentle prods to write about legal issues. Or, maybe you have developed friendships with people in the legal field. Another way you might detect your system in action may be in looking at the choices you’ve made about your career. It would not surprise me if the choices, mistakes, successes, or changes you’ve made in your career are similar to those made by those in your system at some point in their careers. You may have driven yourself hard to succeed only to find stress-related health issues bog you down, just like your father? Or, perhaps you fell into a “safe” writing job similar to the accountant who mentored you when you were young. The system can be overt or subtle. The whole job of the system is to keep you within the safe bounds of what it knows, thinks is good for you, and most importantly familiar to its idea of “career.”

If you are experiencing a degree of dissatisfaction in your career, consider finding out more about what the people in your system did along the way with their own careers. For example you can find out a lot of hidden and juicy information by interviewing your parents. Find out how and why they made important career decisions - and then reflect on any similarities to your own choices. Identify in what way you picked up positive or negative habits or beliefs about how to navigate your career. Whether you are 20, 30, 45, or 60…you’ll find some parallels!

If you want to learn some specifics about how to interview your parents or significant folks in your system, read chapter 7 in this book: http://highlandsco.com/dwyt_page.php

Or, go to my website and read about The Transitions Program - see page 2: http://www.anneoffner.com/docs/Coaching_specifics.pdf

Careers these days are complex – we can work in an office, over the phone, through the internet, on an airplane – so many things are possible. Sorting through our own habits and beliefs can uncover useful information to help us make our next career decision. Once you discover the influences of your system, there are other things to consider. But, let’s take this one-step-at-a-time. Look at your system and then we’ll talk about other ways to enhance your career.

Ó Offner and Associates, LLC 2009.  All rights reserved.